Here's something that has always confused me.
When girls are little, they love to dress up and be beautiful princesses. Their parents tell them, "You're so beautiful. You're my little princess." Little girls feel good about themselves. They are filled with confidence and fueled by it.
When they become teenagers, they start hanging out with other teenage girls. One day, negative self-talk begins. They no longer feel like a beautiful princess but more like an ugly duckling. Where does this come from? From my experience, it was a bad thing to feel pretty, God forbid to say, "I think I'm pretty." If a teenager says something like that, her "friends" may think she's conceited or full of herself. Instead of girls telling each other how lovely they look, girls talk about themselves in a negative way. They say, "I'm so fat. I'm so ugly. No one likes me. No one wants to date me. I wish I was as pretty as so-and-so." This self-deprecating talk is common.
What's not common? It's not common for girls to look at themselves and say, "I feel beautiful. I look pretty. I love my skin. I have a great body. I'm very comfortable." It's not common for their peers to compliment each other either. Why is this? What happens between being a little girl, dressing up and feeling beautiful to being a teenager, with a poor self-esteem?
I believe what happens is that girls start comparing themselves to other girls. They don't notice the positive about themselves, only the negative. They just notice what they don't have, what's missing. They compare themselves to the air-brushed women they see in magazines. They believe that feeling GOOD about the way you look is actually a BAD thing, that their friends won't like them if they have confidence in themselves.
These negative feelings often grow worse as a teenager becomes a woman, leading so many women to have such poor self-esteem that they allow themselves to be treated badly in relationships because they think they don't deserve better. This happened to me in a previous, abusive relationship. I had convinced myself that no one else would want me, so I stayed with my abuser. I was an intelligent woman, but I lacked the confidence to see that I deserved better.
Many women continue negative self-talk into their adult years, criticizing their own looks and body. Their children see and hear this behavior, and it just adds to the child's mindset that she too is "fat", "ugly", etc.
Women, we've got to pull together and change this cycle! We've got to teach our daughters that self-confidence is a good thing, a great thing. We've got to stop beating ourselves down and start lifting each other up! We've got to show our young girls, through our words and actions, that we are ALL BEAUTIFUL. We are all worthy of the very best. Beauty comes in different shapes, colors, and sizes. It is our differences that makes us unique and our differences that color the world so beautifully.
Remind your daughters daily that they are beautiful, that you wouldn't change a thing about them, and they should not be scared to think they are pretty. They should feel comfortable saying, "I am beautiful." This is not boastful. This is not conceited. This develops a positive self-image. This prevents the "ugly duckling" feelings. This promotes positive self-worth.
Encourage your daughters to shut down the negative self-talk they hear among their friends. Encourage them to say to their friends, "You are beautiful. I would not change a thing about you."
Change the way you think. Allow yourself to feel good about you. Give yourself permission to say, "I am beautiful." Don't be afraid to tell others, "You are beautiful." Confidence is a GOOD thing.
Women, let's talk more about self-esteem. What causes negative self-worth? What can we do about it? Be a part of the conversation, and help build a global community of kindness.
When girls are little, they love to dress up and be beautiful princesses. Their parents tell them, "You're so beautiful. You're my little princess." Little girls feel good about themselves. They are filled with confidence and fueled by it.
When they become teenagers, they start hanging out with other teenage girls. One day, negative self-talk begins. They no longer feel like a beautiful princess but more like an ugly duckling. Where does this come from? From my experience, it was a bad thing to feel pretty, God forbid to say, "I think I'm pretty." If a teenager says something like that, her "friends" may think she's conceited or full of herself. Instead of girls telling each other how lovely they look, girls talk about themselves in a negative way. They say, "I'm so fat. I'm so ugly. No one likes me. No one wants to date me. I wish I was as pretty as so-and-so." This self-deprecating talk is common.
What's not common? It's not common for girls to look at themselves and say, "I feel beautiful. I look pretty. I love my skin. I have a great body. I'm very comfortable." It's not common for their peers to compliment each other either. Why is this? What happens between being a little girl, dressing up and feeling beautiful to being a teenager, with a poor self-esteem?
I believe what happens is that girls start comparing themselves to other girls. They don't notice the positive about themselves, only the negative. They just notice what they don't have, what's missing. They compare themselves to the air-brushed women they see in magazines. They believe that feeling GOOD about the way you look is actually a BAD thing, that their friends won't like them if they have confidence in themselves.
These negative feelings often grow worse as a teenager becomes a woman, leading so many women to have such poor self-esteem that they allow themselves to be treated badly in relationships because they think they don't deserve better. This happened to me in a previous, abusive relationship. I had convinced myself that no one else would want me, so I stayed with my abuser. I was an intelligent woman, but I lacked the confidence to see that I deserved better.
Many women continue negative self-talk into their adult years, criticizing their own looks and body. Their children see and hear this behavior, and it just adds to the child's mindset that she too is "fat", "ugly", etc.
Women, we've got to pull together and change this cycle! We've got to teach our daughters that self-confidence is a good thing, a great thing. We've got to stop beating ourselves down and start lifting each other up! We've got to show our young girls, through our words and actions, that we are ALL BEAUTIFUL. We are all worthy of the very best. Beauty comes in different shapes, colors, and sizes. It is our differences that makes us unique and our differences that color the world so beautifully.
Remind your daughters daily that they are beautiful, that you wouldn't change a thing about them, and they should not be scared to think they are pretty. They should feel comfortable saying, "I am beautiful." This is not boastful. This is not conceited. This develops a positive self-image. This prevents the "ugly duckling" feelings. This promotes positive self-worth.
Encourage your daughters to shut down the negative self-talk they hear among their friends. Encourage them to say to their friends, "You are beautiful. I would not change a thing about you."
Change the way you think. Allow yourself to feel good about you. Give yourself permission to say, "I am beautiful." Don't be afraid to tell others, "You are beautiful." Confidence is a GOOD thing.
Women, let's talk more about self-esteem. What causes negative self-worth? What can we do about it? Be a part of the conversation, and help build a global community of kindness.
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